Monday, September 22, 2008
Herb Of The Day
Old Man Herb Denenberg, a columnist for a small Philadelphia "family" newspaper that rarely pays its employees and loses thousands of dollars by the day because of bizarre printing practices and the fact that no one buys the rag, makes a living dishing out advice to questions he makes up, and smearing Barack Obama, repeating the lines he heard daily on Michael Medved's radio program.
Today he says of Obama. "[He is] a man who has an anti-American perspective and associates with bigots, racists and anti-Americans." Genius.
Then he gets a little antsy. He believes dimentia has finally taken over: "This can't be happening. Surely, it must be a joke."
Then, in a nod to his constant rails against Hollywood elitists, he finds comfort in the genius words of one Jackie Mason, a former comedian who no one has ever cared about. Denenberg takes quotes from a small-town radio interview Mason did, since no legitimate station would ever carry a has-been sidekick. "In the interview, Mr. Mason concludes Sen. Obama is a fraud and a world-class liar." [The Bulletin]
Today he says of Obama. "[He is] a man who has an anti-American perspective and associates with bigots, racists and anti-Americans." Genius.
Then he gets a little antsy. He believes dimentia has finally taken over: "This can't be happening. Surely, it must be a joke."
Then, in a nod to his constant rails against Hollywood elitists, he finds comfort in the genius words of one Jackie Mason, a former comedian who no one has ever cared about. Denenberg takes quotes from a small-town radio interview Mason did, since no legitimate station would ever carry a has-been sidekick. "In the interview, Mr. Mason concludes Sen. Obama is a fraud and a world-class liar." [The Bulletin]
THE LIBERALS IS GONNA TAKE YOUR MONEY AND FUCK YOUR WIFE TILL SHE'S DEAD
Joe Biden says paying taxes - not killing foreigners - is your patriotic duty. Why would anyone vote for a ticket with this guy on it when John McCain can bail out your economy and win the war FOR FREE?
John McCain has dealt with tougher guys than you, Joe Biden. Only they were all under five-foot-three, smelled faintly of water buffalo, and wore black pajamas to the office.
Eat, Sleep, Bomb Iran
In another shocking twist, it's revealed that John McCain prepares for debates by napping. Other things he prepares for by napping: meals, golf, taking his vitamins, breathing, and napping. [Wall Street Journal]
No! Your Guy is Hitler! So There!
Remember right wing idiots used to bitch and moan about a few protestors and MoveOn.org commenters that wondered allowed if Bush was just like Hitler? Well, they're still complaining like the bottle-sucking infants they are. Only now they've decided to use the MoveOn commenter as an excuse to push the "Obama = Hitler" fuckshit in their mainstream newspaper commentary. [Washington Times]
Nobody Kills Us but Us
The US has escalated its effort to lose a third front in the Global War on Terror. Last night, Pakistani troops and "tribesman" opened fire on US helicopters after they crossed over the border from Afghanistan while chasing (and hopefully killing) some Taliban shithead.
Most Pakistanis likely rejoiced. They are constantly seeking newer, more innovative ways to lower their own standards of living - most recently coming within an hour of killing their entire government in the Marriott Hotel bombing a few days ago. If all goes according to plan, the US will have reduced their country to rubble and they'll have crashed the Freedom of the Seas into the White House by this time next year.
More Information: Cavemen Vs. America
Florida Will Fuck America Again
Drudge Report is pushing a story that 60,000 people in Florida showed up to see moron would-be failed vice president Sarah Palin. The only problem: The story is a lie.
The "60,000" estimate was given by the backwoods retard fire marshall of the planned Orlando suburb. CNN put the number at 1/6 the fire marshall's. The moron assumed every single member of the bullshit community showed up to see the stupid talker.
HOWEVER -- I wouldn't say the fire marshall's being totally unreasonable here. Most of The Village's residents don't know who they are, and if they did show up, were probably just wheelchaired into the crowd by McCain himself so they could drool in fresh air instead of their condo's dead smell of shitty diapers.
The "60,000" estimate was given by the backwoods retard fire marshall of the planned Orlando suburb. CNN put the number at 1/6 the fire marshall's. The moron assumed every single member of the bullshit community showed up to see the stupid talker.
HOWEVER -- I wouldn't say the fire marshall's being totally unreasonable here. Most of The Village's residents don't know who they are, and if they did show up, were probably just wheelchaired into the crowd by McCain himself so they could drool in fresh air instead of their condo's dead smell of shitty diapers.
Red State DOT COM is prophetic
In what is likely to be crippling news to the Obama-Biden campaign, Red State DOT COM has revealed, in a post by Brian Faughnan, that Joe Biden -- get this -- is a liar!
omfg
This blogger's evidence: Joe Biden says he owns two guns. In reality, he got just drunk enough before the Democratic YouTube debate to make a fool out of some homicidal hick on the big screen.
Joe Biden also says his family worked in Scranton coal mines. However, little Joey left Scranton at age 10, and child-labor laws restrict him from personally mining coal.
What else is Joey-Joe-Joe lying about, huh?
omfg
This blogger's evidence: Joe Biden says he owns two guns. In reality, he got just drunk enough before the Democratic YouTube debate to make a fool out of some homicidal hick on the big screen.
Joe Biden also says his family worked in Scranton coal mines. However, little Joey left Scranton at age 10, and child-labor laws restrict him from personally mining coal.
What else is Joey-Joe-Joe lying about, huh?
BREAKING: We were lied into Iraq
Conspiracy theorist and all-around hateologist Frank Rich is still complaining about the Iraq War: "That propaganda blitz, devised by a secret White House Iraq Group that included Rove, was a triumph. In mere months, Americans came to believe that Saddam Hussein had aided the 9/11 attacks and even that Iraqis were among the hijackers. A largely cowed press failed to set the record straight." [Sunday Times]
Hey Rich: Get the fuck over it. You can't bring all those dead people back to life! What's done is done. Jesus would have stayed the course and been on the front lines of the surge.
Hey Rich: Get the fuck over it. You can't bring all those dead people back to life! What's done is done. Jesus would have stayed the course and been on the front lines of the surge.
McCain: I'm glad your dad jumped out of his skyscraper window yesterday
In a nod to people who say stupid things with little thought and almost no rationality, John McCain has stated that he's glad he voted to deregulate Wall Street in 1999. Phil Gramm says: "Fuck everyone, John. Fuck everyone."
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Hanging Limply
Slate concludes: Barack Obama is a pussy. slimer.com learns this from gay blogger Andrew Sullivan.
On a completely hypocritical note, slimer.com's Iraqi friend has assured him that unless the Troops stay in Iraq for a hundred years like Old Man McCain wants, Maliki will be dead and America is fucked.
Luckily though, he confirms what every sensible, Native-Born Citizen wants to believe -that David Patreus is the only U.S. Passport-holder walking the Planet Earth with any idea what the fuck is going on in the crossection of the multiverse we refer to as Reality.
McCain Blocks Biden from Manhandling Palin
The McCain campaign says that the public shouldn't be allowed to see what they want to see - Joe Biden battering Sarah Palin like she was his wife. The Vice Presidential debate will now be held in a more idiot-friendly arrangement, which discourages direct confrontation between the candidates, and levels the playing field between the six-term congressman and PTA mom.
McCain Fucks Jesus
John McCain met Maria Gracinda Teixeira de Jesus in 1957.
According to an interview with Brazillian Newspaper O Gropo, Jesus fucked McCain back while he was married to Carol, his first crippled wife. They fucked and fucked, and she remembers him being “good at everything.” Fuck-wise.
Cheney Humiliates Judge
Judge: Keep your VP records.
Cheney: No.
Judge: If you don't keep them, I'll...
Cheney: You'll what?
Judge: I'll...
Richard Cheney looks flustered as he releases a game hen, then accidentally shoots judge in the face. Congress orders subpoena. Cheney gives finger. Don Siegelman asks congress to hold Rove in contempt. Rove puts Siegelman back in jail. Rudy Giuliani fucks 9/11 in the ass.
Read More: Federal judge orders Cheney to preserve broad range of records from time as vice president
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Vagina 2 Vagina
Some bitch named Suzanne Fields thinks that feminists have betrayed their anatomy by not supporting Sarah Palin. Don't read what's at this link.
Skidmark
The Jewish-controlled media is reporting that Sarah Palin's brother-in-law James once smashed a pedestrian with his truck, stopped, dragged her out from under the vehicle, then left her to die on the side of the freezing Alaskan highway. More impressively, he was able to accomplish this whilst in "a drunken stupor".
slimer.com usually has a hard enough time masturbating when he's in a similar condition. It's too bad our second-to-next President doesn't share any genes with this guy.
Read more facts here: Call of the wild
slimer.com usually has a hard enough time masturbating when he's in a similar condition. It's too bad our second-to-next President doesn't share any genes with this guy.
Read more facts here: Call of the wild
"I did not have forced sexual relations with the asshole of the country I am supposed to be the leader of."
Our country, tis of thee.George Bush makes Jimmy Carter look like Roosevelt.
Read more: Some Nashville area stations out of gas
Punk Rock is Dead
Someone crashed a plane carrying the guy who ruined punk rock for millions of once-a-year-fake-dyed mohawk wearing suburban teenagers. My circa 1997 15-year-old self is glad, but the adult me feels kind of bad.
Feel better soon Travis Barker.
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