Your Boring Apocalypse

• Republican is mad at Bush for being a loser and dropping a nuclear bomb on our banks. Daily Kos reader is mad at that very same Republican for letting Bush pound him in the ass for eight years. [Daily Kos]
• David Letterman aired a clip of John McCain getting $5000 makeup applied to his face before an interview with leggy blonde Katie Couric. NY Post says someone's gonna pay. [NY Post]
• Politico, Drudge, and 570 midget commenters thought Obama going to the gym from 7:30am-8:20am was newsworthy. [Politico]
• Salon says "McCain has proven he's unfit to serve." Cretins say: "So did George Bush, but he still became president, limpdicks." [Salon]

McCain Will Debate After Naptime

Did anyone really think McCain wasn't going to go to the debate tonight? I mean, the guy is a born loser. "My friends, these times are much too important to talk about them in public with a moderator against someone who's clearly smarter than me and whom I disrespect wholeheartedly. You've seen my sleaze ads, right? My friends?"

The problem with McCain is that he makes claim that Barack Obama has no opinions and is only in the race for himself, to be a celebrity or some such nonsense. But it's a truth that McCain has never stopped running for president and actually was able to let bygones be bygones with a man who called his daugter -- who he's supposed to, what, love? -- illegitimate. His fucking daughter. It's McCain who's consistently gone on television, appearing in blockbuster movies, and giving himself ridiculous nicknames that have nothing to do with his record in the senate. The guy is so shameless, he let the metropolitan midget Rudy Giuliani -- of all people! -- tell an infantile St. Paul crowd full of "Drill Here! Drill Now!" sexual innuendoed hats that Barack Obama doesn't understand small town folks.

Thank God McCain was able to take the time out of his busy schedule that includes napping, getting fitted for a coffin, and putting a muzzle on his midgeted would-be failed vice president, to talk nonsense about supporting the troops and putting the soil his 15 houses are laid upon ahead of himself. [Politico]

Sarah Palin: A 72 Year-Old Heartbeat Away

First of all, I mean -- and this should be obvious -- we should allow Israel to do whatever SHE so pleases, because -- bear with me here -- SHE is our friend and a major ally, and, well, SECOND HOLOCAUST is coming and when one country says they're the bad guy -- I mean -- when one country wants to kill another country, that country is the bad guy, as opposed to, well, what I meant to say is, okay -- let's say there are three guys; two good, one bad. The good guy that wants to melt the skin off the bad guy -- as the maverick used to do when he mavericked the North Vietnamese after flying off-course maverick-like -- the other good guy is that good guy's maverick friend. And the maverick friend says, yes, melt the skin and party all you want because you, too, can be a maverick.

Moron Alert

Human Events writer S.E. Cupp proposes the same old garbage about Obama's scary SOCIALIST proposals, then says things to the effect of, 'even SOCIALISTS don't like Obama!' Let's keep in mind he's had a consistent lead over old cheekbag McCain for months. So if having socialists like you is all the sudden a good thing, what does that say about the man who took a 5-year vacation in a tropical paradise and now won't shut up about it?

Cupp interviews Greg Pason, National Secretary of the Socialist Party USA, who says: “Barack Obama's programs are not socialist." HA HA Socialists hate you Arab scumbag! You're a socialist who's not good enough for socialists! And America hates your guts!

There are few things as stupid as conservatives who claim the old McCarthy talking points because they're too lazy to come up with new ideas and write good columns. Abortion...Guns...Income redistribution...socialist...communist...terrorist sympaatthh...[Human Events]