Hi! I'm Bobby Jindal!

Good God this guy sucks!

Has anyone ever sounded more fake? THIS is the guy Republicans are looking to become their next big thing? REALLY?

He looks like one of these car dealers who's trying to run his first self-made commercial. But he can't because he can't act for shit. You can actually see his eyes going back and forth, reading the teleprompter.

And cool it with the Hurricane Katrina shit. It was your guy, George Bush, who put a horse cleaner in charge of FEMA, then bit the pillow for two years because he fucked America and hates black people. So don't tell me how you're friends with a --

motherfucking

-- sheriff. I mean, am I supposed to be impressed? This isn't the Wild Wild West. Fuck.

• Bobby Jindal believes in creationism. That means, the world was created 5,000 years ago by a guy with a white beard. He put a man and woman in a garden with talking animals. Jindal called this idea "The very best science."
  
• Bobby Jindal also believes his wacky science should be taught in schools.
  
• Bobby Jindal has participated in at least one exorcism.
  

It is for these reasons, that Bobby Jindal is not a conservative superstar. He's a conservative superstar because he's one of three colored guys they've got. And you want to run this fucker in 2012? Go for it. You'll lose the birth certificate wack jobs. A new brand of birth certificate wack jobs will come from the left and claim "JINDAL WAS BORN IN INDEEAA!" [USA Today]